• Bring Back Walls

    If I could erase one trend from history, I’d take out the open office floor plan. Somebody in the nineties decided walls were oppressive and that what workers truly craved was the ambient sound of forty colleagues chewing, sneezing, and taking speakerphone calls about their dental coverage. We were promised collaboration. What we got was… Read.

  • I miss the answering machine, and not for nostalgic reasons. I miss it for tactical ones. The answering machine was the only technology in history that let you screen your calls while the caller knew you were screening them. Someone would start leaving a message, you’d stand over the machine like a judge, and if… Read.

  • The best excuse I’ve heard lately came from a friend who skipped my barbecue because his sourdough starter was “at a critical stage.” Not a sick kid. Not car trouble. A jar of flour paste required his presence, apparently, the way a newborn requires a parent. And here’s the thing: I believed him instantly. That’s… Read.

  • I want to say “who we are,” because it sounds wise and conveniently excuses all my choices. But no, it’s experiences, and I know this because of one specific bus ride in 2009. Before that ride I was a person who trusted printed schedules. After it, I became someone who leaves forty minutes early for… Read.

  • I’d be a crow, and I want to be clear this is a strategic choice. Crows recognize human faces, hold grudges, and pass those grudges down to their kids. That is a legacy program. One week as a crow and I could establish a multigenerational vendetta against the guy who took my parking spot in… Read.

  • The technology I’m most confident about is not flying cars or robot butlers. It’s a new charging cable, incompatible with every device I currently own, released the same week I finally buy a drawer organizer for the old ones. That’s the safe bet. But my real answer is the home health scanner. Twenty years from… Read.