I would ask them to settle the group chat. Not the big stuff. Not the meaning of life, not whether we are alone, not whether pineapple belongs on pizza. They obviously know the meaning of life and are too polite to bring it up. No, I want the small arguments, like whether a hot dog is a sandwich and who actually owns the armrest on a plane.

Think about it. These visitors cracked interstellar travel, which means they have either solved boredom or never had to sit through a Wi-Fi outage. Surely they can rule on my brother’s claim that cereal is soup. I would also ask where they parked, because the rest of us have been circling the block for years. Ask them anything cosmic and you get an answer you cannot use. Ask them about the armrest and humanity finally gets some peace.